In Room 101, O'Brien sat me in a chair, and clamped my head. I couldn't move. He then reminded me of my nightmares where I'm in a dark place and I know something is on the other side of the wall, but I don't know what it is. O'Brien tells me rats are on the other side of the wall. No! Anything but rats, Anything!
O'Brien picked up a cage of giant, squirming, hungry rats. He put it near my face and was about to open it, so the rats could eat me. Alive.
There was only one thing to do. I knew it, and the skeleton man from the waiting room knew it too. I had to give someone else up. I had to put someone in my place.
I betrayed her. I have been holding on to my strength, but I betrayed her. As soon as I told O'Brien to have Julia take my place, he removed the cage and let me loose.
I know I should be more devastated by my betrayal. I want to believe that I didn't mean it. But at that moment, I honestly wanted Julia to suffer. I wanted her to take my place if it meant I didn't have to go through with it.
The fear was too much to face. And now, my life will never be the same again.
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