Belief-Part Three, Section II

I can't make myself believe it. I can say it; yes, I can say it, but I can't believe. O'Brien was holding up four fingers, not five. I said five, but I knew it was four. I knew it was four. O'Brien tells me that my crime was not accepting the Party's version of the past. But if I know, if I know that it's a lie, how can I believe it? But if O'Brien says it, I'll believe it. O'Brien knows. O'Brien takes away my pain. When I've had enough, O'Brien takes it away. He helps me. He isn't the cause of the pain. He just takes it away. O'Brien says that right now I'm insane, but only by pain can I be cured. I want to be cured. O'Brien tells me that the Party has perfected the system of eliminating enemies. They cure them, make them believe, truly believe they were wrong, and then they kill them, so there's no glory.

What O'Brien says starts to make sense. I can learn to reject all ideas. I can accept what the Party tells me. I can do that. It's not even rejecting the truth, because the Party is right. O'Brien is right.

Then O'Brien let me ask him some questions. When I asked about Julia, he said she betrayed me immediately. This fact should hurt me, should make me angry, but it doesn't. I asked some other questions about the Brotherhood and Big Brother, but without many answers.

Finally, I asked what's in Room 101. O'Brien told me I already know. Everyone knows what's in Room 101. I don't know, though. What's in Room 101?