Pain-Part Three, Section I

I'm here. This is the place where there is no darkness. Is O'Brien going to get me the razor blade? Is that what he meant by meeting me in the place where there is no darkness? He had to have. I always assumed it meant the future, but I guess this is my future-here in the Ministry of Love, stuck in this room, as people come in, and people go out. Who knows who these people could be? Maybe she's my mother. Maybe he's that man from the Chestnut Tree Cafe.

I don't know, but I can barely stand to imagine the pain I will go through that will make me betray Julia. Everyone keeps talking about Room 101. A man here a while ago was thrashing around, betraying his family, doing anything to prevent his journey to Room 101. I wonder about what's there, but I'm not sure I actually want to know. Will I give up Julia, like he offered to have his family tortured and killed instead of him?

That man was so skinny, so unhealthy, so weak. I sincerely hope O'Brien sends the razor blade before I reach that point. But as I thought that, O'Brien came in. O'Brien got caught! But as he walked in, he wasn't a prisoner. He told me he was a Ministry of Love operative, and he said I had known all along, which I guess I did.

After this revelation, a guard came and smashed my elbow, causing immeasurable pain. Pain I didn't even know existed. But this pain made me think. Pain is too much to endure, and in the moment where that incredible pain is inflicted, no one can be a hero. No one can withstand that kind of agony.